My husband, Sir, is my Dominant. I, kitten, am his submissive. In a nutshell, I gain pleasure from submitting to him and he gains pleasure from dominating me. We live what is called “in the lifestyle,” which means we engage in this life 24/7; even in non-sexual aspects of our lives.
Where It Began
We discovered BDSM in December 2015; we read books, blogs, articles, and realized we were intrigued by the kink. It started as a sexual exploration for us. The best way I describe a basic D/S (dominant/submissive) dynamic is that the sub gives willingly–trusts their Dom wholeheartedly as the Dom controls the scene, gives direct instructions and pushes the sub (but not past their safe word) to expand and grow. In turn, the trust between them grows. As a result of our exploration, we set out on a sexy journey that allowed us to find each other and ourselves. I learned that I very much enjoyed intense pleasure and Sir enjoys giving that to me. In layman’s terms, he’s a sadist and I’m a masochist. Now I’m sure that makes some people squirm, but I assure you not all S/M is the crying kind of pain-giving and pain-taking, as ours is more sensual. For example, we often play with crops, floggers, spanking techniques, melted wax or ice cubes. And as with most things, there’s a correct way to strike a body and specific body parts to avoid, depending on the type of intense pleasure being administered. It’s a very calculated act, one that requires giving a lot of trust to Sir, while he must trust that if at any point I’m uncomfortable, I’ll pull my safe word out.
Creeping Out Of The Bedroom…
We didn’t realize, but this bond that was being created between us was bringing us closer and these alter egos and roles that were strictly for the bedroom crept out into our daily lives. Soon, the guardian and protector I had always seen in him, came out in full force. No, he doesn’t lead me around on a leash in public. No, I don’t sit in the back of a room without a voice. His dominance is subtle to onlookers, but strong and loud to me. Just as my submission to him is untraceable to the naked eye, to those in the lifestyle, it’s glaring. We discovered parts of ourselves that we had felt were always muted by other lovers, diminished by those intimidated, and shoved into a deep, dark place as we were unaware of what these urges were or that there were even titles! Never mind a lifestyle!
My Power As A Woman Is Not Diminished
I feel sexy, sensual and feminine. My power as a woman is not diminished by being a submissive, it’s actually quiet heightened. Being a submissive does not mean I’ve given my Dom the rights to me (that’s a Master/Slave dynamic, and even still, slaves are no less human than anyone else). BDSM is a beautiful adventure for everyone to explore. It’s not a one size fits all; there’s a framework, but the path you decide to take is uniquely yours. No different than your fingerprints.
About The Author
Sir and Kitten have been together for eight years and married for five. They have two children and a pit bull they rescued three years ago. Both are heavily into their local music scene, catching shows as often as they can. They also own a hot rod and frequently go to cruise-ins during the summer. Sir and Kitten spend as much time outdoors with their children while also exposing them to good music–not the junk on the radio! They’ve been D/S since December of 2015.
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