Glass

It’s amazing how your life can change when your friends get a little drunk. It was around September of 2016, I had just cut off contact with a poisonous ex-girlfriend, and I was drinking away my sorrows with Sir and kitten (this Sir and kitten), my friends of nearly a decade. During our conversations, kitten decided to share that she and Sir had transitioned their marriage into a D/s (Dominant and Submissive) relationship about a year prior.

This drunken revelation was met with, “Yea, that makes sense.”

I had dabbled in light BDSM in relationships and I’ve always been intrigued by the lifestyle. So, when I recently noticed Sir lighting all of kitten’s cigarettes and opening all her doors, I innately picked up on the cues. This knowledge didn’t change how I viewed my friends; they were still the loveable assholes I’ve always known, just with more structure to their relationship.

Flash Forward a Month

I had jumped into the online dating scene and was gearing up for my first face-to-face meeting. I told Sir and kitten about my excitement and amped myself up for what was assuredly going to be the inevitable horrific date everyone endures while meeting people online. I made it to the bar first and waited for Red to show up. She’s a four foot, nine inch, 90 pound spitfire; full of wit, intelligence, laughter, and happiness. Five hours later, I realized that she was more than the horror story I expected; she was amazing. We closed down the bars that night and didn’t want to leave.

As our relationship grew we learned more about one another and began to open up. One night, Red told me she once worked as a professional Dominatrix, an admission that was met with laughter, not derision. The small girls always make the best money when guys pay to get hit by somebody. But as we talked, we began to discuss a D/s relationship: her exploring her submissive side and me rediscovering my dominant one. We sat down, did the research, wrote up our first draft of rules (a document that is still edited to this day), and began our journey.

How It Began…

We started only “playing” around once a week but we quickly noticed that our D/s roles could not simply be turned on and off; too many rules were enforced too harshly or forgotten. We quickly transitioned into a 24/7 lifestyle and our relationship truly flourished. When you’re forced to talk about everything to insure comfort, safety, and pleasure, it’s easy to talk about anything. And our scenes in the bedroom helped us learn non-verbal cues; it’s hard to say exactly what you mean when you’re tied, face down, on a bed, after all. We also learned limits, physical and emotional, and the processes we’d need when those limits are tested or surpassed. I once hurt Red’s shoulder during a scene and we both learned to be attentive to not just the pleasure, but what actions are involved in the pleasure. In another, I noticed her reactions switched from her normal enthusiasm to a quiet and reserved docility. We paused and discussed the trigger. Now I know what to look for and she knows she’s safe with me in a situation that made her feel nervous when with previous partners.

D/s Just Works So Well For Us

We’re a young couple, still learning about each other and letting our relationship evolve. Through D/s, we’ve learned quickly how to talk openly and candidly. We’ve been able to hone in on when our partner is out of sorts and if they need attention or some space. By concentrating on D/s, we’ve been able to keep a focused mindset throughout all aspects of our relationship and, just as D/s never truly turns off, neither does our attention for one another.

Meeting Red and exploring the lifestyle more than makes up for that hangover in September.

About The Author

Kote and Red copy

Kotê (Czech for babe) and Red have recently moved in together and are actively working towards creating a home. They enjoy going to live concerts and enjoying their town’s nightlife. When they aren’t out, they enjoy watching movies, reading, playing videogames, and laughing at memes way too hard together. Kotê is a freelance journalist and personal banker and Red is in school for Nursing, where she hopes to transition into becoming a neonatal ICU nurse.

 

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