Humans are relational. We are drawn to others and we recharge from healthy, loving spaces with people who are for and about us. It’s important, however, to make sure that your identity isn’t consumed by the relationships you have with others. We need to value what they offer, while also valuing who we are as individuals. Of course, as is life, this is harder for some than for others. BUT, I’m here to highlight the importance of individuality and space when it comes to the relationships between you and those you choose to be romantic with.
Absence Makes The Heart (& Genitals) Grow Fonder
Relationships are tricky, but keeping the sexual flame burning is a whole other beast when you have been with someone for a while. Excitement wears off, life gets busy and the next thing you know, you can’t remember when you last got it in. Although there are different circumstances that can contribute to low desire, we find that the lack of longing in a relationship is a big piece of the puzzle. As we know, you can’t miss someone who never leaves… and that goes for their goods, too. If you’re always with each other and there is always an option for sex, it isn’t as enticing. If you live your own lives, stop texting every 5 minutes and spend time away from one another… you may find that your interest peaks!
Joint Social Media Accounts: But Why?
Although it might seem cutesy to have an account that squishes your names together, i.e. JanetNAdam Brown, what purpose does it actually serve? I mean, what if Adam really likes to follow pages of baby chicks making friends with Dobermans, but Janet hates animals (who hates animals??) and is sick of seeing them in her news feed? All kidding aside though, you’re two separate people. You’re going to appreciate different things and have a number of different opinions. If you’re married or in a long-term committed relationship with someone else (maybe even more than one person) you may not get the chance to let your hair down and be an individual. And once you take that step, you’ll have your own space to comment on pictures of your friend’s granddaughter eating sand at the beach…
You NEED Your Own Friends to Keep You Sane
You could be head over heals in love with someone and they will still find a way to make you lose your damn mind. The people closest to us always know how to push every single one of our buttons. It happens. So who will you call when your partner hasn’t changed the empty toilet paper roll for the fifth time? Your friends, that’s who. They will listen to you complain while simultaneously talking you off the ledge. They can be your devil’s advocate, help you realize when you’re overreacting and let you cool off before you say something you don’t mean. But even when you’re relationship is going smoothly and bumps have been minimal, your friends are really important. They keep you grounded, offer a type of love and support your S.O. can’t, and help you get back on track.
What’s Wrong With Being Confident?
The feeling of doing something by yourself, for only you, without anyone else’s help can offer a feeling rarely matched. To know you are the author of your own experience and can share that success with your partner, can bring you together in a really special way. Having someone cheer for you on the sidelines is so empowering! So get out there, try something new, and then share that something with someone who believes in YOUR individual strength. Success is a helluvah drug, man.
What Happens If It Ends?
This is hard to think about and yes, we hope that you’re relationship doesn’t end, but one day it will. Things happen: people grow apart or pass on. Maybe you’ll be together until you’re 105, but you may not. If you’re entire identity is wrapped up in the presence of someone else, being on your own will likely feel impossible. So follow your heart, create your own goals and work hard to achieve them. Your achievements will be there regardless of how stable your relationships are.
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